Graduation and NIPT

It has been three weeks since our last update, and quite a bit has happened since then. Things are going well. I’ve had a hard time blogging, however. First of all, I’m scared to give a positive report. I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m normally a sane, logical type, so I’m aware of how ridiculous this is. However, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt superstitious during the IVF process. I tend to feel this way when things are out of my control. Secondly, there are so many people out there who are still struggling and coping with the madness of infertility. I would never want to flaunt my pregnancy, or makes others who are still going through this process feel badly. Thus, it has been hard to want to sit down and write, when on a daily basis I read other’s blogs who are still going through the nightmare of infertility. There’s a strange sense of guilt that comes from overcoming this challenge.

Right now, we don’t feel like we fit in anywhere. Moms and pregnant women who conceived naturally don’t really share the same perspective (don’t even get me started on those online groups of women who share your due date. I have nothing in common with these women and find their bitching about pregnancy symptoms to be incredibly irritating). At the same time, we don’t really fit in with the infertile crowd completely either. It’s been weird to give up my monthly Resolve meetings. I miss the support, and the ability to speak to people who totally understand what it feels like to go through this process.

I feel like the first trimester of pregnancy after IVF is its own purgatory. We’re so desperate to be on the other side of this struggle. Pregnancy has not solved a lot of the issues I thought it would. I’m still worried that I might never be a Mom. I’m worried something could happen to my baby, and that I’d be forever scarred by loss. This is hard to admit, and harder to write about. I know it isn’t positive, and it isn’t optimistic, but it is something I think about on almost a daily basis.

Despite these emotional struggles I’m facing, things have been going well. The bleeding I was experiencing has completely stopped. My adenomyosis has cleared up. I’m 10.5 weeks pregnant. At our last appointment with our RE at 8 weeks, 6 days, we got to see Casper on the ultrasound. He was kicking his little legs and flailing his arms the whole time. It was so cute! His heart rate was strong at 182 beats per minute. That day we graduated from the infertility clinic. At first, this was incredibly exciting. We are so pumped to have that chapter behind us. However, being transferred to the regular OBGYN is a brand new experience. This is the longest wait we’ve had to go between ultrasounds, and it is scary. I bought a Doppler so we could listen to Casper’s heartbeat at home in the meantime, and I wasn’t able to locate it. I think he’s still too small. You can probably imagine, this didn’t calm my fears at all.

A week ago, I was taken off all my medication. As much as I’m happy to not have those daily injections in my ass anymore, and constant vaginal leaking from suppositories, going off the meds was absolutely terrifying. I worried pretty much all week that perhaps my RE had taken me off the meds too soon. I’m finally starting to really settle in to the idea that I trust my RE, he’s done this thousands of times, and he knows what he’s doing. I might be starting to relax a little bit. I’m sure Chris will be relieved when I can start to feel more at ease in this pregnancy. Poor guy has been on 24/7 reassurance duty, and I’m sure it’s not easy for him either.

On Friday, I went in for my 10 week NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing) blood draw. To be frank, I was beyond pissed off at the nurse who did the draw. She decided to tell me (an IVF patient in an infertility clinic) about how she decided to abort her first child, and has lived with constant physical pain since. I don’t know why she thought that was a good idea to share, but I found it so insensitive. I’ve thought about reporting her to my RE or the clinic, but I don’t want to rock the boat. We won’t have the results of the NIPT for about a week. As much as I worry about everything, I actually feel quite at ease about the results. I think PGS was the best thing we could’ve done to put my mind at ease. I feel confident that this baby is healthy and that the tests will reveal that.

I’ll leave you with a picture of Casper, who is starting to look less like the friendly ghost, and more like a gummy bear. 🙂 

Our baby boy at 8 weeks 6 days.

25 thoughts on “Graduation and NIPT

  1. TMM says:

    I have adenomyosis and am about to do my very first FET (we skipped fresh). Did your doctor adjust your protocol at all or talk to you at all about it? Mine very much believes that they don’t know a lot about it and it’s not anything of concern really.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      I wasn’t diagnosed with adenomyosis until I was 7 weeks along, and they realized it was the cause of my bleeding. They made adjustments after discovering it, like switching me from oral progesterone to PIO injections. That really seemed to help stop the bleeding. Wishing you all the best, please let me know how it goes for you!

      Like

        • heatherhopeful says:

          Good! Yes, that really seemed to do the trick for me. It’s good you know about yours going in! I wish we’d have known so we could prepare for the symptoms and know that they weren’t cause for concern.

          Like

  2. libraryowl33 says:

    I’m glad things are going ok so far 😀 There are a few women who attend our IVF support group who are currently pregnant. The fears your having are a part of infertility, and just because you’re pregnant does not take you out of the community. Please continue to share as your progress, because this committee needs success stories like yours. *hubs*

    Liked by 3 people

    • thegreatpuddingclubhunt says:

      yes everything libraryowl says!!! We need to know you are doing OK, and honestly I love hearing success stories, how you coping with even the ‘boring’ day to day pregnancy stuff, otherwise I will end up depressed if I just read about IF stuff. Plus what you feel now is probably what we will all feel like too when we make it there, so it is good to share!

      BTW – that nurse telling you about her abortion and her pain is just weird. In particular working where she does now. I don’t know about reporting her though – I might feel worried she might top her self if she lost her job because of it….but perhaps you could write her a letter to say how she might not have realised quite how difficult it might be for patients to hear her story. I know that would be a hard letter to write…but it sounds like she has no clue. But then again, that could also be a bad thing to do too and make her feel bad that she told you her story :-s I’m sorry she did tell you though, I could totally imagine how angry you felt. X

      Liked by 3 people

  3. workingwomensivf says:

    I have been thinking of you and hoping everything is ok. I totally understand your feelings on the first trimester, it is so much tougher than i expected particularly having also suffered bleeding. I think the other tough part having gone through infertility is more of an awareness of all the things that can go wrong. I am hear if you ever want to talk xx

    Like

  4. g2the4thpower says:

    I don’t think that fear ever really disappears, but it does get better. 2nd trimester is normally issue-free, so it’s a good time to focus on getting your head focused on other things. Good luck! Your little Casper looks perfect! Xx

    Like

  5. yearningformotherhood says:

    Aww! He’s so cute. I still look at pictures of my various (and many!) first trimester scans on my phone.
    That fear never truly goes away. At 36+6 I’m still v apprehensive, but as g2the4thpower has said, it *does* get better, esp when you start to get fetal movement and can see your growing bump! Wishing you 30 more happy weeks!! Xx

    Like

  6. True Hugbo says:

    Cute little Casper is doing great, he obviously likes it on the inside. 🙂

    I felt exactly the way you do…I couldn’t relate to people who had due dates around mine (two sisters in law) who basically tripped over their partners, landed on their penises and became pregnant. OK, not literally but you get my point. It is a strange feeling and I have to say it remains strange even after you give birth. Because infertility is really something similar to cancer in the sense that you NEVER beat it…much like you can be in remission with cancer, you can have a pregnancy and deliver a child but the moment that baby is out, you are infertile again. I have found this to be remarkably difficult to deal with because we do want another baby but we don’t have any frosties left, so I know that we will be back down the IVF path in our near future. This is to take nothing away from the wondrous experience of having a child, how in love I am when I look into his eyes and how he makes every day better for me. It’s just that I will never be fertile and while there were (fleeting) moments when I forgot that when I was actually pregnant, once you’re no longer pregnant it becomes that much more striking. All to say that what you feel is normal, I think it’s not uncommon. Just our cross to bear, so to speak.

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  7. Kim @ livingnbliss says:

    I was wondering how you were doing and so glad to see that all is well! I can definitely relate to your feelings of fear and also not wanting to say too much as the struggle to conceive is still so fresh and dear to our hearts. My husband and I were all set to start IVF in October, but I found out in September while he was away for work that I’m pregnant (literally four days after all of our IVF meds were delivered). We suffered a missed miscarriage two years ago (at 12 weeks but didn’t find out until an ultrasound at 14 weeks), and pregnancy after a loss then infertility is indescribable. Only a few close family members and my best friend know (I am just over 12 weeks), and while we are fortunate to be monitored weekly (and have a heart monitor at home), I’m so incredibly paranoid. I put my blog on hiatus while we navigate through this very emotional (yet amazingly happy) time. Loss and infertility definitely give us a different perspective during pregnancy! And I can’t believe that nurse said that to you- ridiculous!!

    Like

  8. 30yr old nothing says:

    I’m glad you popped in. As you can you still have a lot of us still cheering you on and wanting updates. Pregnancy doesn’t take you out of this group. We’ll always love you. :). I’m glad Casper is doing well.

    Like

  9. srabird says:

    I’m so happy everything is good with you guys and you’re right – Casper definitely looks like a gummi bear 🙂
    honestly, I don’t think I’ll be confident that I’m going to be a mum until I see our little bean as a real baby next year, that feeling that infertility gives you that its never going to happen doesn’t seem to go away. Step by step I’m becoming more confident in enjoying my pregnancy, with the occasional blip, and I sure you will too xx

    Like

  10. mustbecray says:

    I have a friend who is due any day now through IVF and she also has struggled to feel like she “fits in” either the Mommy club or the IVF club. Reading your words, she could have said them! What I mean is I think it’s totally natural to feel that way and shows your compassion and understanding for those of us still in the trenches. I love reading your updates! Also, that nurse….wtf was she thinking? What a dolt. lol

    Like

  11. ashleykyleanderson says:

    I don’t know how I missed this the first time, but I’m glad I found it and got to see Casper even though I know he is much bigger now!! How are you feeling? I’ve been missing updates from you but I also struggled a lot to write after our positive news when so many others were hurting and I was terrified of something going wrong. I’ve been thinking about you lately and hoping that you are feeling more confident, but it took me so long to relax that I completely understand if you are still nervous. However, I think you should be getting close to the end of the first trimester soon which is really exciting!! I hope you get to see Casper again soon because it will start to shock you how much he is growing and how quickly! And hopefully you guys had a great holiday with family as well. Lots of love! 💗

    Like

  12. She Said He Said says:

    Hi! Just curious how little Casper is doing? We are both going through pregnancies as a result of IVF and I’m still having phantom pains in my butt from the PIO shots. Thinking of you and hoping you and little Casper are doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Hello my dear! Thanks for checking in! Casper is growing strong and we just passed the 20 week mark–halfway there! I definitely don’t miss those awful PIOs!! How far along are you now? Do you know what you’re having? (Sorry, I’m super out of the blogging loop).

      Liked by 1 person

      • She Said He Said says:

        Thank you. Congrats to you too! So happy little Casper is still doing well! I was really happy to pass the 20-week mark. At this point your baby is strong enough to survive in the NICU if he/she was to come early. That bit of knowledge put my mind at ease when I was 20-weeks along. Hope your having an uneventful pregnancy. Do you know what you are having? So excited for you!! Congrats again!!

        Like

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