IVF #2: Prepping for Transfer (aka Shots in the Butt)

Chris is now a pseudo-nurse. Tonight will be his third time administering a shot of Delestrogen into the muscle of my upper buttocks. I knighted him as shot-giver since that’s a pretty tough area to inject on yourself. I was going to try it, because I’d way rather give myself my own injections, but the angle is a little tricky. 

The first time, it was a super smooth process. I didn’t even really feel it, and I was surprised when Chris told me it was over. The only downside is it bled quite a bit. I couldn’t get the injection site to stop bleeding for about 15-20 minutes. Finally, after lots of pressure, it quit. The second injection stung so badly–it felt like a hot poker into one of my nerves. The upside was there was no blood at all. Go figure. 

I’ve been incredibly emotional lately. I feel so sad and depressed. So many things have set it off. First, I found out Chris’s cousin is having a baby girl. She decided to announce the gender to everyone in the family except for us. She told Chris’s brother she didn’t tell us “for obvious reasons” (I’m guessing our infertility). Still, it sucked to find out the news from someone else in the family. Does she really think avoiding us is going to make it easier? We’re going to find out either way! I felt like an infertile outcast, not to mention hurt and excluded. Granted, I understand she’s in a lose-lose situation. It’s not easy to tell people news that you know is going to be tough for them. I don’t really know how to reconcile this, other than just chalking it up to the fact that people really don’t know how to act when you’re infertile. 

As I was driving to work this morning, I was passing a semi filled with hogs. Every time the semi driver would get on the brakes in traffic, the hogs would begin to squeal. This made me feel so emotional I wanted to just start bawling. I am definitely an animal lover, and I know this would’ve affected me even without the shots of estrogen in my system. However, I feel like the hormones made it a lot worse.

This weekend I went to another Resolve meeting. This one was only women, and it was interesting to hear the different perspectives of the women there. The girl next to me shared that the synthetic hormones make her incredibly depressed. I totally related and connected to that sentiment. Although the stim phase never seems to affect me, the shots of estrogen, which I’ve never had in the past, seem to be doing a number on me emotionally. I’m ready for this process to be over. 

I am beyond nervous about transfer. I am so terrified of getting another negative beta. I can’t even describe how traumatizing that would be. I am so afraid that this is going to destroy me emotionally if it doesn’t work out. The fear is almost paralyzing. It’s hard to be positive, because there’s so much riding on these results. I don’t know what to do. Every day I worry about the success or failure of our transfer. It’s a huge weight on my shoulders. 

After doing lots of research, and speaking with my OB/GYN, I am definitely leaning towards transferring two embryos, while Chris is leaning towards transferring one. We intend to talk to our RE in further detail next time we see him. Even though we aren’t on the same page with our desires for transfer, Chris and I are getting along well. We are definitely able to talk about it without any frustration or argument at this point.

Total random sidenote: I don’t know what to call this transfer. It’s technically our second frozen embryo transfer, but it’s also our second complete IVF cycle. So do we call it IVF #2: FET #1 or is it IVF #2: FET #2? 

Either way, I hope it’s our last!

26 thoughts on “IVF #2: Prepping for Transfer (aka Shots in the Butt)

  1. g2the4thpower says:

    Rooting for you! I hear you on the baby news front. We found out a while back that a couple we knew (one of whom close to DW for 15 years) unfriended us on Facebook so we wouldn’t find out about their pregnancy (as though we know nobody in common) – they gave birth around the same time we finally got pregnant. They knew we had been trying for a couple years and about the mc, and they (again) got pregnant with their second child in the first IUI. Anyway, sorry for ranting on YOUR post! I’m wishing you both tons of luck & baby dust! I didn’t do the injections, just the estrogen patches, but I didn’t notice any significant mood alteration. Maybe you could try an alternative method?

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      That’s so sad that a friend would think unfriending you and avoiding the truth is helpful! And also that they’d be silly enough to think you wouldn’t find out another way. I think I’m starting to adjust to the Delestrogen, finally! Phew!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Surviving Infertility says:

    Ughh butt shots!! All I can say is they suck! I am the same as you-I prefer to give all my own shots, whereas so many girls like their hubbies to do so. But just keep reminding yourself that it will all be worth it in the end.

    Im so sorry about the gender secret being kept from you. Being infertile sucks, and you are right, people have no clue how to deal with it who aren’t in our shoes.

    Estrogen always pushed me over the edge too, so how you are feeling emotionally sounds very understandable to me! Especially considering what u have been through/are going through. I am praying this cycle brings you a positive beta and sticky baby or babies. Its so hard to keep that faith…just know u have so many here for u no matter what happens ❤️🙏🏽😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe Baby says:

    I am with you on the estrogen girl! This stuff is no joke! I was on the patches last time and the pill this time, method doesn’t matter! It makes me crazy, sad and anxious! Praying that this is it for the both of us!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. andrearhooper2014 says:

    Oh, hormonal induced depression. So many parts of your journey I can only do my best to empathize with, but that one strikes a chord. I cried while watching Winnie the Pooh two weeks ago. Ugly cried. Something about the song “little black raincloud” hit a nerve, I guess. I hope your heart finds its happiness soon.
    Also.. I am grateful that you mentioned the “double edged sword”. I can’t speak for everyone, but I have been terrified of adding to the pain you are experiencing. Even if I do all the right things and use all the right words, I can’t fix your situation and I wouldn’t dream of changing mine. I am certain you have silently forgiven me at least once over the course of the last year. It is entirely unfair that you have to bear both the weight of in vitro and the constant forgiveness. And butt shots! Entirely unfair.

    Like

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Thanks for the kind words. I think bottom line, we’re not looking for anyone to fix our situation, just show compassion and kindness (as you have). As much as you wouldn’t dream of changing your situation, we’d give anything to change ours (and of course we’d never want you to change yours). We’re so ready for this chapter to be closed. Thanks for the empathy. Lotsa love.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. expecting to be expecting says:

    I found I got super emotional and moody with estrogen and then when u added progesterone I levelled out. Aside from the constipation I could totally see myself supplementing with progesterone on a regular basis. I found it lowered my anxiety. Too. I also found estrogen made me Pusey. Not like ms Pusey but more like a mechanical reaction to eating while on estrogen that made me do little barfs for the first week or so.

    I d’t know what to say about SIL, that is definitely not how it should be done! I get people being uncomfortable but that’s a moment of growth and grace, to pick up the phone to you, reach out and connect and she blew it.

    I would have sobbed if I saw that truck. Big animal lover, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Thankfully we’re adding the progesterone in this week! I hope it helps level me out, as you’ve said. I was totally doing the pukey thing at first, too! I know exactly what you’re talking about. Thanks for the support with the cousin in law situation. There are times I feel like I’m expecting too much from people. But then I realize, nope, it’s just common courtesy. Thanks for your comment. 💞

      Like

  6. Amanda says:

    Crazy hormones!! I had the progesterone shots in the butt with a crazy long needle. Husband had to do those because of the angle. Infertility is so hard, and to think we are giving ourselves extra hormones through shots, patches and pills just for the hope that all this works! Right there with you! Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. libraryowl33 says:

    Ugh, that sounds awful. I’ll be starting estrogen and progesterone next week, and I’m already warning those around me that I might be a bit of a mess. It does sound like the situation with your SIL was a pretty good reason to be upset though. Most people have no idea how to handle infertility. It’d be so nice if they did.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. lgandlg says:

    Ugh, I hate that you have to deal with this ongoing theme of people not knowing how to handle us! Here’s my take on it: if they know what’s going on with you and the struggle, they have an obligation not to be idiots! Just have some common human decency. What does it take really? How hard is it? I’ll never understand that. As far as I’m concerned, this is their issue. Oh it just burns me up! I just feel that people like that will eventually have to learn decency. That’s their struggle and I’d rather be where I am than in their shoes because at least my struggle had taught me to have compassion for other people.
    On that note: I’m pulling for you that this FET is successful!

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Thank you! Yes, I really appreciate how this journey has taught me two things: patience and compassion. It’s hard to see others who are not on the same level emotionally (worse when they’re family and you have to play nice regardless of how they act! Lol). Thanks for the support! 💞

      Liked by 1 person

  9. valleyally says:

    Hoping the best for you and Chris!! I know that paralyzingly fear too well at facing another negative beta. This 2ww will be challenging for you both. I hope it goes by quickly and that you get the worlds best result!! All the best Heather – stay positive! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Nara says:

    I hope it’s your last too. I can really relate to the random emotional stuff. I am not even taking any drugs any more but I feel like the experience has made me much easier to get sad, if you get what I mean. I almost cry at bad stuff on the news! I really hope this is the cycle for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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