IVF #2: Here We Go Again!

Blood draw this morning (hence the pretty, color-coordinated bandage) gave us the OK to start!

We knew it was coming, but somehow this second round really snuck up on us. We’ve been out of town for about a month (Chris was on business, and I tagged along), so our minds were pleasantly elsewhere. I feel like we are finally starting to get closure on the horrendous toll our first IVF cycle took on us. After everything we’ve been through for the past couple of months, I know a fresh start is a good thing.  

Speaking of fresh starts, so far I’m impressed with the new clinic we’re using. I did a drop in for a blood draw today to check my estradiol and progesterone levels. I walked in the door, signed myself in, and a nurse called me back in less than two minutes. I was out of the office and on my way in no time at all. They haven’t charged us anything yet, either. I was totally willing to take out the wallet and fork over the dough today, but they were super nice and said “No need to pay today, your blood draw will be included with your cycle.” Well, alrighty then.

My nurse called my medicine in to the pharmacy in a timely fashion (I didn’t have to remind her once). These details probably sound like very basic things to most IVF patients, but our last clinic was not nearly as courteous. It’s really nice to be pleasantly surprised so far this time around. 

In order to have (hopefully) better success this cycle, we’ve both been on some supplements for the past couple months. Chris has been taking Clomid and Naturally Smart to stimulate his sperm production. I’ve been taking prenatals, CoQ10, DHA, and folic acid. Tonight I start these bad boys:  

Dun dun DUNNN…birth control pills!

I should be starting stims at the end of this month. If I said I was looking forward to another round of stims, I would be lying to you. I still haven’t lost the weight I gained from our last round. I’ve been kindly referring to myself as “skinny-fat.” In other words, I’m a petite person who looks like she could probably stand to tone up and shed a few pounds. Am I going to stress over a little vanity weight? No. Will I be upset if I gain more? Likely. If I have a baby from this will I really care? Not a chance.  

About two months ago (on the day we found out our cycle failed), I deleted my Facebook account. It has been INCREDIBLY liberating. People keep asking me why I did it. The honest answer is I was sick and tired of baby announcements. I’m also completely fed up with Facebook being treated like a digital baby book–it’s like all baby pictures all the time. I’ll be the first person to admit I’m crazy-jealous when I see those pictures. But I also think it’s really excessive. If I’m friends with someone on Facebook, I don’t want to see 250 pictures a week of their newborn infant, as cute as he or she is. Some people really don’t know when to stop. So it’s nice to be away from that. When people ask me why I got off Facebook, I’ve been giving them a variety of reasons. Depending upon how close I am with the person, and whether or not they’re guilty of the aforementioned atrocities will determine whether I’m honest with my answer. πŸ˜‰ Really though, Facebook was a waste of time, and let’s be honest, I was on there way too much. I’d rather see people face-to-face, and have real relationships with my friends. 

Another random musing, I find it interesting that it’s effortless to be happy for certain pregnant people, and really difficult to be happy for others. For me, I find it really varies upon the person, and how they approach the topic, along with whether or not I deem them to be “worthy” (subjective much? Yeah, I know). If people announce they’re expecting and they’re not married, and have an “oops,” I find that pretty difficult to reconcile. If they’ve been married for a few years, are responsible people, and break the news to me in a sensitive way, then typically I’m pretty cool with it. It doesn’t mean I don’t have my jealous moments, but I figure that’s normal. 

Overall, I feel like I’m finally starting to heal from our failed cycle. I moved on from feeling emotionally dead, and past the intense heartbreak that followed. Now I can go out in public and see parents and children together and not feel like my heart is about to burst. I’m not 100%, though. I am still finding it difficult to see baby bumps, and infants still pull on my heart strings. The scared part of me wonders if we never have a child, if these feelings of jealousy and hurt will ever go away. The hopeful part of me is holding tightly to the idea that this may be the last IVF cycle I ever have to do. πŸƒ

46 thoughts on “IVF #2: Here We Go Again!

  1. rachellejulia318 says:

    I am praying for you guys!! I am so glad I found your blog! It’s really hard to begin this and to see your step by steps and how you were feeling are really encouraging. Funny story I had a good friend I confided in right after I found out our only option was going to be IVF and her response was “OMG you have to wait till the summer cause thats when Matt and I are going to try for OUR second” (yep …. even fertile myrtles can see how ignorant and selfish that comment is)

    Today I walked into Home Goods and it was like maternity meet up group was hanging in there…..I think God has a sense of humor cause the amount of pregnant women walking around was insane. As was I when I literally laughed out loud with “you have to be kidding” I got my dog bed I came in for and left πŸ™‚ Fur babies are wonderful in times of need.

    Again prayers love and hugs thank you for being so vulnerable on here, it helps us whom have no idea what we are about to walk into.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Bahaha–I love the funny and ridiculous comments people make. Sometimes they make me mad and sometimes they just make me laugh. I’m trying really hard to find the humor in this situation.

      And about fur babies, I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know what I would do without my two dogs. I’m glad we found each other in this crazy blogosphere. I look forward to reading more about your journey! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. MadisonMichelle says:

    I deactivated my Facebook account the same day I got a bfn. I originally did it because I didn’t want to see baby posts or happy go lucky posts when I’m soooo miserable. And I’m glad I did!! I considered myself a fb junkie before…lol its def been liberating to detox lol

    I’m also starting round 2 at a new clinic and will be starting with birth control for 14 days. I’m soooo nervous but hopeful.. Hope round 2 is the one for us both!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. crazy4ababy says:

    So glad to hear you are starting again! I understand completely how you feel about God’s sense of humor. I feel like every TV commercial, radio ad, store, or event is related to pregnancies and/or babies. I’m like really? Thank God for dogs! 🐢 I’m impressed you deleted FB. I moved it to a separate hidden folder on my phone (so I’m not inclined to look at it) but I haven’t deleted it yet. I don’t know why though becuz it’s torturous. I’m hoping for the best for both of us. I’m about to start a FET. Good luck!! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Yes, I feel ya–I really think there are more baby-related commercials than ever out right now. Yay–good luck with your FET! Do you have dates yet? How many are you transferring this time?

      Like

      • crazy4ababy says:

        I was supposed to be scheduled for my FET in August, but after my hysteroscopy, it got pushed to September. I need to get one more hysteroscopy in August because they found some remaining tissue from my miscarriage in May. I decided to put two embryos in for my FET. I am very nervous since I only put one in last time. Hoping I made the right decision!

        Like

  4. andrearhooper2014 says:

    I am thrilled to hear the new joint is treating you well! Staying away from the bookFace seems wise. It is so addicting that I am going to have to add it to the thousand reasons why you are one of the strongest people I know. Also in the list is your ability to vocalize (and handle gracefully!) the storms of conflicting emotions. I sure wish I was there to give you a hug and be an umbrella when you need it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. theonewithjb says:

    I too found myself being really jealous of only certain couples and feeling nothing but joy for others.

    With me it just depends on how well i know them and what I knew of their struggles (if any).

    Eg: Best mate becomes a father. Over the moon for him. Work colleague announces a pregnancy. Green with envy and feeling miserable for weeks on end.

    Best of luck for cycle 2.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Amanda says:

    I am so happy to read this!! I stopped posting on my blog a while ago and made it private, but I love to read the progress of others! I think we will go for round 2 of IVF in the next month or so.

    I can so relate to being able to feel happy for some couples and totally judging others!!

    I look forward to more updates to your blog. I’ll probably get back around to blogging when we try again. It is such a great outlet!! Know that there are so many wishing only the best for y’all!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My Perfect Breakdown says:

    I am so excited for your to get started! And I’m thrilled that you are liking your new clinic.
    Also, I deleted my facebook account a few years ago, and I’ve also pretty much never regretted it. I hope you continue to find the same thing.

    Like

  8. g2the4thpower says:

    Good luck with your cycle! Sounds like you’re off to s great start. I know my new clinic, which ended up giving me my successful round, provided me some much needed stress relief as I could feel they were more competent and cared more about a successful outcome than their pay cheque right from the start. It made a world of difference in me being able to just trust them and the process. Xx

    Like

  9. ashleykyleanderson says:

    I’m so glad to hear about this new clinic and all the ways they have given you small confidences in their ability to handle everything. Was Chis on Clomid during the last cycle or is that a new part of the protocol? I am wishing you guys lots of luck, keeping my fingers crossing, and sending you bunches of good vibes!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Nara says:

    Hello! I’m thinking and hoping this is your lucky break! I hope it goes really well for you!

    I can so relate to what you’re saying re pregnancy announcements. I’m finding it hard right now. Everyone is pregnant. Everyone! And bloody advertising is getting to me too – all the time I get maternity and baby stuff and it’s driving me crazy. I’m with you on the “whether they deserved it” thing – for me it’s all the honeymoon babies. My friends just come off birth control and get pregnant straight away. And want me to come celebrate. I don’t want to celebrate. Whereas if I know someone has struggled then I’m totally happy for them. It seems like I’m being unfair as people can’t help being fertile… But then I do feel like people could be sensitive and many of them aren’t.

    I’m with you on fb too. I’ve tried going off there for a while and it is liberating… But I think I like the interaction. Especially when I’ve just been at home (currently recovering from miscarriage) and not seeing anyone. I tend not to interact with the baby people and I am quite *nal about going through my friends list and stopping notifications from them. It doesn’t stop the pregnancy announcements if it’s their first, but it does mean I don’t get an endless stream of kiddy updates. Honestly, some people don’t edit and just post hundreds of the same picture from a slightly different angle! Makes me grind my teeth! But generally the people I keep in touch with on fb are a very small subset of my total friends – about 20%, and they are the more interesting less baby-centric ones. (Okay it’s mainly food!) I do think it’s good to take a break every now and then though – I think I will!

    I really hope you are

    Like

  11. katiebird says:

    My husband and I were just talking last night about selective happiness for others when they have a baby or announce a pregnancy. The modest announcers are the ones who I tend to feel less jealous over. Glad you guys are in a better place and looking forward to that baby announcement in the near future. Good luck! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. valleyally says:

    Great to see you staring again. I will be cycling about the same too. I start suppression towards the end of July with Stims starting in the 2nd week of August. Wishing you much luck this go around. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s