Staying Strong, Feeling Weak

It’s been eight days since our frozen embryo transfer. I want to know the outcome so badly. I have these eight home pregnancy tests staring me in the face, but I’m too apprehensive to use them. 

Tomorrow I have a huge event at work. I need to be on my A-game. I’m going to be talking to many people throughout the evening. This is tough for me, as I’m an introverted-extrovert (I swear it’s a real thing). Even though I can appear to be doing fine in a social situation, it’s draining for me. I’m sure you can guess, social functions are not my favorite. So I am very fearful that if we get bad news prior to this important day at work, I won’t be able to function well. Chris is super supportive of us waiting to test, and thinks it’s a very good idea. As much as I’m able to logically think through the decision to wait, it’s still eating at me. 

I’m ashamed to say, last night I was a total Debbie downer. I was feeling very negative, like our cycle probably didn’t work. I know we’ve been through a lot of stress, and it’s causing me to second-guess everything. In the back of my head, since I know our sperm is an issue, I’m afraid we’re going to have ongoing challenges. Chris, on the other hand, is feeling very positive. He thinks that this cycle worked. I really hope his gut feeling is right. 

My first beta was today. At our clinic, they send both betas to the lab at the same time. That means we won’t know any results until Friday. It’s only two more days. I know I can make it. I think I can, I think I can. πŸ™‚


37 thoughts on “Staying Strong, Feeling Weak

  1. g2the4thpower says:

    You can do it! It’s normal for you to feel doubtful. If you’re like me (a fellow introverted extrovert), you probably *want* to be purely optimistic but feel like you can better protect yourself by expecting the worst while still hoping for the best. Hang in there! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. nikkisuzanna says:

    sending you the stickiest vibes & thoughts! i truly think you will be glad you waited to test, regardless the outcome (++++++ thoughts!!) as a gestational surro, i had three separate FETs. .all of which i regrettably tested before beta. i know everyone’s opinion differs on the matter but i feel it’s so much better to wait. keep your chin up little engine. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. valleyally says:

    I am an introverted extrovert too! I totally get all of these emotions and concerns. I think you are making the right call to hold off on testing as any outcome will have your mind everywhere other than where you want it to be. Best of luck and much sticky vibes on Friday. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Amanda says:

    Hey! I know it’s hard, but hold on tight to whatever positive thoughts you have! They will carry you thru. I’m always thankful to be busy at times like these, as it keeps me focused on other things. Wishing you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. yearningformotherhood says:

    Be strong!! And hang on in there. It will be worth the wait to get a result that isn’t ambiguous in any way!
    And it’s funny what u say about gut feelings. Everyone around me felt positive about this cycle… They all said it. Even I felt it a little… Hmm. Maybe your other half has some kind of sixth sense!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. She Patiently Waits says:

    Don’t give in to those tests! Beta is the way to go anyways πŸ™‚ and besides, I’ve heard from many mothers they didn’t feel ANYTHING until they were much farther along! πŸ™‚ think positive, truck along! You CAN do this and you ARE doing this! Look how far you’ve come!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. oc15 says:

    one more day. just from my experience, i was certain our transfer didn’t work and i was a mess the day before my fIrst beta. so depressed. also, just in case, my numbers were CRAZY LOW. first beta was 33. second was 87. i was very fearful because of the numbers but I’m holding my baby while i type this πŸ™‚ thinking of you. as always, hoping the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ashleykyleanderson says:

    You are SO close now and have already come through so many tough and scary things. I am hoping so much for a positive (literally πŸ˜‰) outcome for you! Sending you all the good vibes I can as you finish out the wait! πŸ€

    Liked by 1 person

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