My mind is racing a million miles an hour. I feel completely unsure of everything. I wake up in the middle of the night just to lie in bed, stare and the ceiling, and contemplate what the outcome will be. No matter how hard I try to stop overthinking the process, I just can’t. The outcome means so much to me. To us.
Today we are 6dp5dt (six days past a five day transfer). According to charts I’ve read, that’s when hCG begins entering the bloodstream. Women use home pregnancy tests at this phase of the game all the time. Before we transferred, I bought eight tests. Now, I’m terrified to use them. Since it’s only Monday, I know it’ll be a long, tough week at work if I find out its negative. I don’t want to take that risk. Our beta is on Friday, and I think it’s a good plan to have the long Memorial Day Weekend to process whatever news comes our way.
I’ve been having a lot of unusual feelings and sensations. Whether these are symptoms of pregnancy, or side effects of all the drugs, I’m not sure. One moment I’m convinced I’m pregnant because of how I feel, the next moment I’m sure I’m not. It started about three days after transfer. I began to notice a cramping sensation in just the right side of my uterus. Gradually, the cramping has spread. Now I feel it throughout my whole uterus and pretty frequently throughout the day. Sometimes I’m worried it’s a sign that my period is on its way. Other times I think it’s a sign of implantation. Other times I credit the feeling to the Crinone, or maybe even all the estrogen. I’m also extremely tired. I feel exhausted regardless of how many hours of sleep I get. I’ve read that progesterone causes this, but it can also be a sign of pregnancy. And, I’m moody. However, I think any woman going through this torture of waiting would probably be moody, too.
Beta is only four days away. Right now, I’d really like to wait and not test beforehand. We’ll see if I’m strong enough to make it, or if my curiousity gets the best of me. One thing I know for sure: the two week wait is rough.