Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They…Implant in Your Uterus?

I’ve never been a superstitious person. Until now. I’m not avoiding black cats or walking under ladders. I haven’t turned clockwise seven times in a circle. My fingers are not perpetually crossed. We aren’t quite to such a high level of irrationality (yet).  

It’s more like this: I’ve developed an uncharacteristically pessimistic attitude. I feel pretty hopeless. This is not typical of me. I’m a resilient human being. My life has been filled with challenges I’ve met head-on. I have grit, and get through the tough times with a can-do attitude, and unwavering persistence. However, in the case of our infertility, my positivity seems to be wavering. 

Since we received our diagnosis of male factor infertility in January, our life feels like it’s been a pendulum swinging in perpetual motion. We have had our hopes dashed on more than one occasion. This journey has shown us how unpredictable IVF can be. We’ve had our share of disappointment so far this cycle. After promises of success, now our doctors are scratching their heads, wondering why our situation is so unusual.  Additionally, our cycle produced only one frozen embryo, and next week we’ll have one chance at our baby. 

So where does the superstition come into play? As I’m gearing up for next week’s FET, I’m finding myself fearful of optimism. When I think ahead, I’m afraid to allow myself to think we might be successful. It’s almost like I’ve adopted the attitude that if I think it will work, it won’t. I think my new (poor) attitude is a coping mechanism. My mind is trying it’s best not to allow my heart to be crushed by disappointment. It’s making me feel a little crazy. 

So my dear fertility bloggers, I seek your advice. How did/do you stay mentally grounded during IVF? How did you stay hopeful without setting your expectations too high? How did you cope with these unknowns? 

Thanks in advance, my friends!

44 thoughts on “Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They…Implant in Your Uterus?

  1. workingwomensivf says:

    Unfortunately I don’t think there is an easy solution to this problem. I am attempting to adopt a cautiously optimistic approach but also know what my plan B is at all times. i.e I am hopeful that this cycle is the one but if it is not meant to be I have my 3 frosties and if that doesn’t work I know I am strong enough and prepared to do another cycle. Don’t get me wrong I still have moments of despair and disappointment and am letting myself experience those but then letting them go and moving on to the next step.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. KLA says:

    I have no good advice to give as I feel very similar to how you are feeling. I agree that it is probably a coping mechanism. I find myself actively trying not to think about it, when it should be an exciting hope for what could be. This journey can turn you all shades of crazy! I hope we can both muster up some optimism and excitement for our transfers next week!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. sroseb83 says:

    We had a pretty uneventful IVF cycle. In the sense that everything was pretty text book. I have one ovary, but they grew perfectly, we retrieved 19 eggs, 12 fertilized, 6 made it to blasto freezing 4 and transferring two perfect 5AA hatching embryos. We got pregnant, but just learned we miscarried early. Now we are pretty jaded. It didn’t go perfectly. We have lost some hope. I have been following your journey and have read how many road blocks and struggles you have had along the way. I don’t understand fully, but I do know that after this last disappointment for us, it is going to be hard to be as optimistic about the process. I would say you are being more realistic than you are pessimistic. In the end, you are protecting your heart as well. It’s only natural. It doesn’t mean that hope still isn’t there though. My thoughts are with you on your upcoming FET!

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      I’m so sorry for your losses. That’s so tough. You have every right to be jaded. I wish this process was easy for all of us. I agree that realism is maybe the best approach in this situation we can’t control. Do you have plans for your next step yet?

      Liked by 1 person

      • sroseb83 says:

        Yeah. We are going to move full steam ahead with a FET and transfer 2. It looks like it will happen at the end of June. If that doesn’t work, we have 2 more frosties. After that, I am not sure if we will do IVF again…. 6 pretty perfect chances seems like if its meant to be, at least one of them will stick around. But then again, last year at this time I was saying we would never do IVF….. Sooo… Who know.


  4. g2the4thpower says:

    It’s hard. I don’t have a trick other than making sure to do hypnotherapy at least once a day. I stopped a short while after my transfer, but during stims and around transfer time I was pretty religious about the circle + bloom ivf sessions. I thought for sure my second round would work, after them supposedly learning a thing or two after my shit first round,but at that point I had last faith in my doctor and the clinic. In my 3rd round I was at a new clinic. I had done one IUI there in between my 2nd & 3rd IVF cycle, and was really impressed by the staff and my experience, so when I decided to dive right into my 3rd IVF I felt much more that I could put my trust in them. The letting go and just surrendering to the process is what made me feel less stressed. Good luck with your FET!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. waitingformylittleone says:

    Like everyone else I think that we all understand because our minds are all trying to find ways to cope with this. I also catch myself having moments where I’ll say something like “Ya but who knows,” or “Ugh, we shall see.” I am on like a pessimistic auto pilot. Recently I made a choice – a decision to do everything I can to catch myself when I start to have a negative thought and shut that **** down. The way I see it is I do not want to look back and have a reason to blame myself. The mind is a very very powerful thing. And there is a mind/body connection (maybe). I am trying to believe what I put out into the universe is what comes back. It could be a bunch of nonsense or my coping mechanism. What I recently did was on my iPhone i used the voice recorder and created my own affirmations where its me telling myself things like “I will get pregnant.” “This is the cycle that will work for me.” “I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY.” and it lasts about four minutes and I give myself time to repeat after myself and I listen to it when I need my mind to reset. I find myself just saying it sometimes and deep down knowing I am sort of not being true to myself but honestly the best thing you can do for yourself is mentally keep yourself as healthy as possible because we need to keep whatever shred of sanity that we can in this process because we will NOT stop until it does work. I know with male factor it’s different (I have PCOS) so it feels even more out of your control. I am starting my first IVF cycle shortly and who knows how jaded I would be if the path I am really hoping for does not work out. I will probably be laughing at my advice. But I truly hope this embryo is going to end up being the baby you hold in your arms VERY VERY soon. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      I love the idea of having positive affirmations. I found a video of affirmations on Pinterest for infertility a LONG time ago. I should go back and listen to it now. And I agree about there being a mind – body connection. I think our thoughts are very powerful, and definitely shape our lives. Best of luck to you sweetie, and thanks for your comment.


  6. Nara says:

    I have no tricks other than not counting on anything. I never count anything as sorted until it’s a sure thing! So we are going into IVF open minded as far as we can be, and trying not to have expectations. We’ll just see how it goes. And as my dad always said, there no use worrying about things you can’t change. If it happens then great. If it doesn’t then that’s disappointing (and I’m sure I’ll feel terrible) but we’re no different to where we are now. Holding out hope against the odds!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. lgandlg says:

    It’s a very sobering experience to say the least. I’ve learned a lot about the factors that affect IVF, not even related to science, and it sucks! Even though I’m pretty much in the same boat as you in terms of my attitude, I’ve got to keep thinking about the fact that things outside of our control can affect an IVF cycle in a negative way, but also in positive ways! It’s ultimately up to God, I think. I keep thinking that when it all finally does work it’ll all make sense. I’m just not sure how close we are to that moment. You are young so I have no doubt it’ll work out for you! The key is to not give up trying until you get what you want and not lose even that shread of hope you have. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Thank you for your reply! I know I’m learning so much due to this experience. In the beginning, I was the most impatient person ever. I feel like I’ve learned to let go and trust the process much more. Best of luck to you on your journey, sweetie. πŸ’ž

      Liked by 1 person

  8. 30yr old nothing says:

    Having a plan B has helped me. We also had 1 frostie that we put all out hopes on and I was (and still am) gutted that it didn’t work. I feel dumb for being so confident and hopeful. I should have been more realistic then maybe I wouldn’t have been as hurt. But truth be told, we do have a plan B and it still was terrible to get BFN. My advice is when your embabie is back in your uterus you have to talk to it and bond with it and enjoy being pregnant for at least 14 days and if you’re unsuccessful you’ll be heartbroken but a plan B will help you move on sooner.


    • heatherhopeful says:

      I totally agree! I want a plan B and a plan C! Chris has a harder time thinking or talking about alternative options, sometimes, and often l need those other options to be there to give me a sense of calm. Great advice! πŸ’ž

      Liked by 1 person

  9. babyangelb says:

    This is exactly what I have been struggling with. When you want something for so long and it never happens, it is so hard to allow yourself to get your hopes up. For me, I have been praying more and listening to Godly wisdom. I am finding some peace in the truth that God wants good things for me.


  10. notabroodychick says:

    Hi there, I just wanted to say I’m really hoping (ha!) that you can dig deep and find some hope for this treatment. I know it is so hard and we want to protect ourselves from hurt if it doesn’t work out, but I’m a strong believer that your mindset can make a difference and affect how your body works, and you want it to do everything possible to fight to keep your little emby once implanted. I’ve heard hypnotherapy can work wonders, although I’ve not tried it. I say a little mantra which I find helps me. I read it in a book and it sounded twee and silly to start with, but actually it does help. The one I use goes “I am in perfect health. I am ready for our healthy beautiful baby. I deserve a happy healthy life.” I say it to myself a couple times when I’m doing some stretches. I’d also recommend Zita west visualisations.. You can get them on iTunes. Definately knowing what a plan b might be is a reassurance too, but Fingers crossed for success this time!

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      You’re spot on, NBC. I completely agree with the power of the mind. I love the idea of having a mantra. I have one for my everyday life, but it didn’t occur to me to have one for this. I’ll check out Zita West. Thank you so much!


  11. Terrakna says:

    As mentioned by others, have your Plan B, C and D ready in your mind. While Plan A is by far my favorite, I learned to love Plans B-D as well, knowing that they aren’t inferior, just additional chances to get to the end goal. When I start to get overwhelmed and negative, I take out Plan B and do some more research.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. mrssheandher says:

    It’s important to remind yourself that’s it’s ok and human to experience a variety of emotions. In fact if you only ever responded with a single emotion there would probably be something wrong with you. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel, and simply know you aren’t stuck being that way forever. You know I love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. ashleykyleanderson says:

    Just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you today, transfer buddy. Not just because of what day of the year it is, but because I know you guys are processing and dealing with a lot of emotions ahead of tomorrow. Praying that your embryo is ready and waiting for you when you get there and also that everything goes perfectly! πŸ’—

    Liked by 1 person

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