People Who “Get” It

Unless you’ve dealt with infertility firsthand, it can be really hard to understand and relate. Some of our friends know what it feels like to struggle with conception, but then have been able to achieve pregnancy without medical assistance. 

With my husband’s condition, we will never get pregnant without IVF. Many people don’t know what that feels like. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked about my feelings on adoption, or if there was any other alternatives to IVF, I would be fairly rich at this point. Heck, maybe I’d even have enough money to pay for IVF! 

I read recently going through the process of IVF puts you and your partner in crisis mode. There are unknowns, fears, and new decisions around every turn. There’s the constant battle to make the best choice for you and for your family. It can be daunting, isolating, and just frankly overwhelming. Then add the physical component to all of that. Your body is going through additional hormones, and there’s an extreme sense of pressure to do it all right so that you are able to achieve success. 

Do you ever feel completely isolated by being an IVF patient? There are few people in my life who I feel completely supported by right now. Obviously my husband is at the top of this list. Next, would have to be one of my more senior coworkers. My immediate family is unaware of our journey because certain members probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. It’s a blessing for us and for them to keep it private. We feel much more relaxed without their involvement. 

Being in the blogosphere, I’ve found a great sense of relief by reading everyone’s journeys. It makes me feel like we’re not alone. There are many people out there who are going to the IVF process, just like us. Reading the success stories helps keeps hope alive. 

Yesterday I found out that my OBGYN conceived twins through IVF. I was in her office for my annual pap, and told her Chris and I are about to start the process. She was so excited and so unbelievably supportive. She said she and her husband went through treatments for two years and then finally decided on IVF. It was so amazing to feel like my doctor understands what we’re going through. It will be awesome when we’re transferred back to her care someday.

14 thoughts on “People Who “Get” It

  1. KLA says:

    We definitely ‘get it’ and have very few people around us understand what we are going through. It’s a very difficult journey that can be very isolating. Seek comfort wherever you can find it be good to yourselves through the process. Anytime you want to chat or have questions, I would love to help 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. justanothernuttybrunette says:

    Love this post. I have found comfort in starting my little blog it helps to read other couples stories and like you said not feel so alone. It makes the process at sometimes dare I say a little bearable? I’ve had a few friends who’ve been trying to conceive for 8-12 months naturally and it was kind of nice to have them to talk to (even though I’m going through IVF) but recently just found out they’re pregnant. While I am happy for them now I can’t help but feel “left out” again and let’s just say our conversations are not the same… Anyways sorry for the rant, wishing you well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      I completely agree–IVF is a beast of its own. I got an ultrasound pic/pregnancy announcement last week from a friend who started TTC after us. It stung, even though I’m super happy for her and her DH. Sometimes I think the only people who know how emotional and draining this process is are the ones who are actually going through it themselves. Thanks for your support–it’s nice to have IVF TTC sisters who get it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. stephaniekclinton says:

    I get the isolation of going through IVF. I’m struck by how all-encompassing the IVF process is, as a couple, and yet not talking about what we are going through with family and friends. I guess there is just so much pressure and focus on doing the “right” things, etc. to help us succeed that I don’t want to add the added pressure of more people that are counting on IVF to work. I don’t want to have to emotionally take care of any one else–outside of my husband–while we go through this process.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Isolating is the perfect description, and you’re absolutely right–the process seems so all-consuming. I think it’s smart to stay quiet about the process. I feel like others knowing just adds pressure. All the best to you!

      Like

  4. Nardia says:

    We did the same in terms of keeping our family in the dark when we started doing IVF… until my hubby slipped up and told his mum that we ‘might’ be pregnant. Everyday that followed during the two-week-wait I received a phone call from my mother-in-law asking how the ‘project’ was going. The project? WTF? I wanted to throttle her. It seriously did my head in so I can completely understand why you’ve chosen to keep it private!! My advice would be never feel that you have to justify anything to anyone. Do what you need to do to get through it all for the two of you. Best of luck xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. beingrobinson says:

    It’s all so tough. Sometimes I feel absolutely lonely and isolated, other times I feel fine and then others I get so tired of people saying words like “relax, adoption, rest,” that I could punch them. But you’ve got people in this with you, even if we are on the interwebs. xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • heatherhopeful says:

      Thank you! I agree–it’s such a roller coaster of emotions and I want to smack the next person who tells me, “you look totally fine. I can’t even tell anything is bothering you!” I guess I’ve already become a good actress. I’m super grateful for our little blogging community. It helps so much! 🙂

      Like

  6. Tikeetha T says:

    Totally get it. I went through two rounds of IVF and got pregnant on the second round. It was an emotional roller coaster, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Good luck!

    Like

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